time and again

‘It’ happened again, grabbed
By the backlit eyes, blaring
Golden humanity, smiling bright
From behind guarded eyes, she
Smiled, whole face lighting up
With life’s love and breathe,
Filling my chest with joy, breathe
Of fresh air, gust of sea breeze
Blowing cobwebs of listless
Tenderly cultivated stillness out
The window, breathing in fresh
Sunlight and air.

To laugh, unashamedly, great dorky
Guffaws of selfless me, bursting
Forth, as if I did not mind what others
Thought, indeed I did not, for I was
Am happy, momentary smiles
Broadening into full-blown central
Heating glow, as if for the first time
That breathe of fresh salt air, scoring
Deep lines of breakage joyfully across
What I thought were permanent
Walls, self-protection disintegrating
Melting like sand before the waves,
Yet still remains the calm, as if
This were the most natural
Of all states, just so, the way it was
Meant to be, just general good feeling
And me.

Time will only tell, whether this
Is false pretence, the lost lonely
Boy grasping like a drowning soul
At a life raft promise of happiness,
Yet even as I write these
Last few lines, I know it to be untrue,
This may not be the end of the world,
Yet it is the beginning of something.

If being on my own two
Feet has taught me anything, it is
This, that we are what we have been, we
Breathe air in that once cycled through
Our own internals, we make this
Life what it is.

Whether this is truth for all,
Or just truth for one, for me, I
Cannot tell. Yet it is true, for now
For me.

Welcome back happiness, may you
Stay a while, rest your warmth against
My breast, breathe your sweet honeysuckle
Breeze across my chin, brush my cheek
With life-thrilling tenderness,
Tell me all will be well. I
Am a little older, a little bit
Wiser, a few more scars, bumps
And bruises, yet I am still me.

Rest your head, happiness,
Against my soul-home, and whisper
Sweet nothings in my ear. May it be
Transient, this still is,
This is still.

Welcome home happy thoughts,
Internal smiles will always be

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