stand up and be counted

Never felt this giddy
Just standing up, like a born
Again teenager-clutz, the arms
And legs are too long, gangley
Gawking as more bits tumble
From sprawling too-wild move-
Ments, the same again as always
Just little ole me, yet standing
Up makes for such a butterfly-
Swirl, stomache-churning bowl-
Me-over experience that I forget
To duck and bang my head, against
What? I don’t know, yesterday,
Today, tomorrow, me, myself and
I all melting into one big morass
Of unsolved riddles, rough and
Smooth waves alike breaking across
My bow, furrowed in concentrated
Coolness, mustn’t lose this tight
Grip I have on letting go, like new
Rider learning the ropes, letting the
Horse take control, trotting by gentle
Nudge instead of yanking the chain,
Reins loose in hand, fighting the urge
To try too hard, so hard just to sit
Still, not just when it’s low, when all’s
Brought down close to zero or less,
Below the plain of common consciousness
Shared depression, we’ve been there,
Done that, got the t-shirt, but no
This is something completely
Different, giddiness of teenage
Second time round, smile inside
Daring the world to bring me down
This is me standing, one foot at a
Time, one limb outstretched as my
Esteem and self climb, up from the
Ground, where I have stayed for so
Long, this is only the beginning,
Teased by song, the tuning forks
Inside have begun to chime, this
Is it, the true beginning of life’s
Hard climb, momentum built, breath
Held close inside, the moment to
Come, book, self, child cried out,
To start here and now feels just so
So right, the beginning again,
This time it will all work out,
Because it has to.

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