Tag Archives: real life

Mid-life stasis

This is no
Mid-life crisis,
No crisis at all.

Instead, I feel
And calm,
No longer rolled tight
In a ball
Of stress, and strife,
Fighting for breath,
Yearning for more

And now
Is the stasis,
No more status quo
Of chasing, and running
With nowhere to go
But round, once more
Mad rush to the floor.

All is still
And quiet, inside
The voices of urgency
Crying loud, like seagull-screech
Deep in chest, they have left
Empty nest, neither squawking birds,
Nor baby chicks crying for food,
No up and down roller coaster,
Just slight shift in mood.

I go up, and down,
And back again,
Always the same,
Dearest of friends,
Round to call,
Yet not the same,
For underneath it all
Is something calm, leaves coating the ground
Multi-coloured nature’s blanket, unraked,
Unneeded, unnoticed, unheeded, but all of that’s
Just noise, background hum,
Sliced through by the tinnitus,
Sound of silence, constant
And when all’s said and done,
Cliche after cliche marching two-by-two,
This one is truer than that one,
My eyes are clearer than yours,
Money pouring from pockets opens doors
That don’t really matter.

Will I ever hear the little pitter-patter
Of un-padded feet?
Is that the aim of life,
Or something else entirely,
Something achingly deep,
Soulfully wide,
Scarringly bright,
That we carefully hide,
As if
To share
That one deep dark truth within,
Would be the greatest of fears realised,
Life’s ultimate sin,
Against ourselves,
Throbbing ache deep in gut,
Or just above,
As if the hole of lonely acceptance
No longer misses the love,
But instead resides – monkey-like –
In chest,
Never to be warmed by soft-armed vest,
The hug of a loved one
Momentary relief
Loves empty crater
Memory of happiness
Slightest of balms
For later, but now all we have
Is the roundabout thought,
The feeling of loss
That itself means nought,
Great empty divide
Basin invisible in the dark,
The playground from hell,
Broken reality,
Healing heart.

I still miss


Your life-giving smile,
Wrapped up in a world
Of do’s and don’t’s, where
Even the strongest break
Down, you were our anchor,
Our backbone against the bend
Of seemingly unbearable weight,
The one, energy flowing, glowing out
Wards, given to one and all, the same
No matter what the cost was, you
Stayed true to who you were
Your beautiful soul a beacon,
Able to change others by seeing them,
Treating them, as they wished they were, deep
Down amongst their own demons of fear,
Their deepest self felt the warmth of your
Love and compassion, and surged instantly
Bursting into the light of day, more
Magical than any rabbit out of hat,
Your ability to change people by making
Them come out of their shell, as chrysalis
Becomes butterfly, so your magic touch,
Gentle smile filled with a love that never
Waned, nor wavered, nor weakened,
Brought out the person they wished they were,
Beautiful souls would unfold, just as you
Knew they would, just by being around them,
For you loved them, just as you loved all,
And they loved you for the beauty you
Reminded was inside, always there,
You, stronger than any love they had ever
Felt, filling them with love and compassion
Until all they could do was be born as the
Beauty you saw in them. That magic, a greater
Power than I have ever witnessed, love,
Pure, beaming from your every pore, flowing
From you out to everyone you came into
Contact, that was your super power, yet
So simple, pure, you, through and through
The strongest human being I have ever met,
And yet so soft, gentle, loving, kind,
Giving all of yourself without consideration
Of cost, always looking to help others,
You, showing me by your being, how life affirming
Love, true, unadulterated, pure compassion
Could change the world one person at a time,
An embodiment of all that is beautiful in life, still
You reach out to all of those blessed by Your beautiful soul, our hearts over flowing,
Filling our lives with the warmth of your
Fierce compassionate life affirming love,
We will always miss you, the strongest soul
I have ever met.

The world needs more of you.
Continue reading I still miss

true love

I love the way you
Brush your hair, the
Loose strands falling just
There, your beatific calm,
Soothing me from afar,
Standing in the doorway,
Watching how you just are
My dream woman, soulmate,
Lover, best friend, and wife
To be, all I could have ever
Dared wish or hope for,
Filling me with warmth and
Light, until the whole world
Balances out just right, and
Moon, sun, stars in space,
All spin into infinity’s empty
Breathe, while the world holds
Still, frozen in time, and I
Am so happy, lucky you
Are mine, my love,
For all time.

fairytale dawn

I awoke this morning,
Bad breath and aching joints,
Rolled out of bed and woke up,
As I do each day, only to realise
That each day I awake at home,
Is a fairytale dawn.

Without the blue skied,
Green-treed commute,
With winter or summer,
Spring or fall outside,
It is all the same, for I am
Blessed with the beauty within
My life, and the life within
My home.

For when I stepped back into
The room, fresh-shaven, wide-
Eyed, and saw you there, angel
To my self-proclaimed devil’s in
The detail over analytical self,
Your blond hair spread waterfall-
Like across the pillow, soft in sleep
Teddy keeping my bare sheets warm,
Looking up at me expectantly,
I held my breath for a moment’s pause,
And realised how lucky I really am.

Then slipping next door, I awoke,
As requested, not out of spite, our
Beautiful angel, who’s smile beats a
Thousand suns, the soul-love furnace
Full of life and spirit, and realised I am
Double-blessed, for non-religious me,
This is warmth, this is love, this is what
Others call God.

And smiling still, kissing both goodbye,
I welcomed brisk winter’s late brush, shivering
Sinuously up my spine to tickle my fingertips,
Bessie Jr waiting patiently for the morning’s commute,
My smile widening ever more as I realised
That I do have everything I ever wanted,
Everything I ever wished for,
Right here,
Right now,
at home,
My life
is love.