Tag Archives: Love

grey hairs

To punch a wall,
Light a cigareete, deep
Breathe, inhale, feel
The burn bite deep in
Throat, taste the sour
Acrid smoke, nurse the
Bloody knuckles, and
Wonder where the basest
Emotions spring from, within
This chest, from under breast,
Deep inside the core, need
I say anything more?

What caged lionmonster
Paces within, growing older
Days shorter, growing double chin,
The tea-time Sunday of life’s
Short weekend, the 30’s half-
Way done, teens long past,
The forties bearing down, all
Too fast, hair thinning, greys
Sprouting, don’t know about
Innings, yet it’s been a good
Outing, so far, not so bad, yet
Somehow still quite sad, not just
What I’d hoped for, yet more
Happiness than ever had, this
Stillness, a dream, this patience
Like steam from the shower,
Leaving skin soaked clean through,
Not half of life lived, the yoke sat
Quite skew, dragging half of me
Down, no lower than ground,
Which in my own personal health,
Is as good as could be hoped
For lower than that I have been
For so long, that ground level is
At least solid, something strong.

A place to stand, but not for
Long, for the changes that
Come, as we grow each old tonight
Bring the dawn of a new day, the
Taste of the future, though teasing
Still bright, blinding me to my
Own, still feeling for what is right,
Striking out on my own, no fear
Is the only way forward, for fear
Is the ultimate leach of the soul,
Crippling our very being through
Unfair weight and poor sight.

This is not the end, nor even
The beginning. This is the middle,
Time to start building. Foundation
Is strong, bricks easily formed,
Mortar of tears thickened by years
Of being bourne.

And me in the middle, still young,
Laughing, as the walls of a new
Place grow all around, this is me
This is mine, it is home which I
Have found.

Home, to build
On finally solid ground.

Deep in

She bent over to tie her shoe, and that is when he jumped on her. She had no time to react, his hand slipping around her waste, pulling her upright and against him, his other hand slipping down over her eyes, blinding her as his fingers tickled her belly. Her fear gave way to giggling as his questing hands played with the line of her skirt, and she laughingly shoved him away. Turning on her heels, her hands up to rest on his chest, she smiled up at him as he leant down to kiss her, “Charles, I knew it was you!” The delight of seeing him so suddenly clear in her excited voice. His hands slipped down her back and over her bum, sliding sensuously down as his face broke into a cheeky boyish grin. She gently reached behind her back, and separated his hands from her cheeks, smiling and kissing him on the lips, touching his nose, and spinning out of reach. “You know that I don’t like it when you grab me in public. Shame on you.” This last was said with a coy smile and a wink, and he followed her, unable to keep his hands to himself, her dancing out of his way as his hands reached for her luxurious curves.

“I’ve just got to have you. You know that. I see you, and all I want to do is run my hands all over your body. I can’t help myself, it’s not my fault, it’s yours, you’re so damn gorgeous!” A quick frown told him something was wrong, so he tried a different tack. “Ok, so maybe that is not an excuse. I just love your ass. I am madly, truly, deeply in love with your bum, and I cannot keep my hands away from my loved one.” He paused from their dancing teasing flirtation to look sternly at her in the eye, “if you would just go away, leaving me alone with your bum, I’d be happy forever.” She straightened her hair for a moment, looked at him seriously, then bounced away again as he made a grab for her. “Ok, maybe just your body. You can have your brain and take it with you to study, but leave me your body, as it loves me as much as I it.” Once again she was serious, looking into his eyes, sucking his soul out of him as she gazed from her soft brown eyes into his. “You know I am yours,” he sighed, admitting defeat, his hands dropping to his sides.

“Yes, I know you are mine,” she bounced up to him, pressing her lovely body against his, her perfect breasts warming his chest, waking the butterflies underneath his chest cavity, “all mine,” she smiled at him, leaning upwards with her head tilted back to take his mouth against hers, her hands stroking through his hair, her tongue searching and kissing, touching and teasing his lips, his mouth, through and around.

“You shouldn’t play with me like that,” his voice was suddenly deep, he was twenty years older now, looking her seriously in the eyes as they broke off their kiss, “I am all yours, and you know that. Always.”

She smiled at him, dancing away from him once again, twirling her skirt, the sunlight breaking through the see-through material teasing him with the outline of her perfect legs, his eyes drawn down, dragging his mind into the gutter he never really left. He wanted her again, as he did whenever he saw her. He wanted to be together with her as close as two human beings could get physically, until they were inseparable from one another, because this is how it was supposed to be.

She smiled again, seemingly reading his thoughts as she danced away from him, provoking him forward with a finger beckoning. He smiled from the inside out, the warm glow breaking through his stern gaze as she twirled in the dying light of day, the smell of the flowers and freshly mown grass making him all the more comfortable. This was home, this was right. This was how life should always be.

Much like us

The sunlight dances off of the newborn baby’s skull, glistening from the blood sheen of crying life that she held in her arms like it was humanities life-raft, and not some natural birth of an animal. The ape looked at her with softness in its eyes, or maybe it was just the light, then reached out, and plucked the baby from her arms. Her eyes glazed over with rage as he pulled the baby close, and began to offer it a finger. Only when she saw that he was allowing it to suckle on his immense dark fingernail did she back down, her bared teeth retracting behind suddenly calm skin no lips to protect them from the ravages of the wild.

The mountain around them shimmered to another beautiful, serene evening, the reverse-dawn hiding the sky in the cloaking black of night a shade at a time, finally dying to darkest blue at the sun-tinged horizon, before dipping out of sight completely, the darkness of the night only accentuated by the clear crisp moonlight that sheltered the landscape. Moon-shadows danced across treetops as monkeys too-tired to sleep ran amok, the forest alive with the new birth, and no one knowing the true meaning of life but the mother suckling her young in the deep undergrowth, in a nest big enough to park a small vehicle, yet hidden away from the prying eyes of the poachers.

She could not see him, but she could sense him, not smell him, but feel him, his huge hairy, muscular body near him as she breathed in the scent of the dark. He was hunting her, showing her his prowess, his uniqueness as a father to the young dark life she huddled against her flat breast, the skin giving up to nipple in the baby’s mouth as he suckled, totally oblivious to the mammoth monster just lurking at the shadow’s edge. She could feel him moving closer, edging his way back into her, could taste his desire, driven by the sight of so much blood, and the strength of becoming a father to new life, of creating a new being out of seemingly nothing. The primal instinct was his, and the protective instinct was hers. She wanted to shuffle away into the trees, clutching her precious life to her breast. She did not need this large shuffling monster to clumsily step on the baby that she had nursed for so long, all morning since its birth, all her life waiting for this moment, for the last moment, for each step of motherhood, no matter how many times she was a mother.

The ape stopped and snorted softly, as if reading her thoughts of escape, circling quickly left, then right, slowly encircling her with his man-ness, for that is what the fear tasted like, that of being hunted by those strange beasts with the flaming blades of pain, that they pointed at her family so long ago, that had torn her so far from where she had once been raised, so far that she could not remember the way back, only running into the mountains or hills, walking into trees that should not be there, crossing rivers which should not have been running that way, in such a way across her path. She was disorientated, and therefore wanted to run away from this monster that could just as easily leave as turn and charge her, making her stand once more up, bared teeth, and fight, although she is less than a third his size. She would never win, could never win, but may allow the escape of this other life, this other life that depended on her for everything.

It hurt inside to see the small eyes unable to open and see her. She looked down, shifting her weight so that the eyes opened long enough to enunciate a cry, her nipple having been wrested from searching and sucking lips. The cry froze the beast in the jungle, and for a moment the mother and child were frozen too, listening to the deep panting breath of the beast in the forest, mist of steam coming from the breath, as from the forest floor, as if the whole forest were breathing in rhythm. The mother only wanted the light to come, the warmth of the sun to caress her and baby awake in the morning, awaken them in their nest, alone, the large brute that now stalked them, keeping to the shadows of the giant forest trees’ leaves, off somewhere ravaging another animal for dinner, fending off another attempt at a great ape takeover, anything to distract him from this hunting of his own, this desire to take over the space on her breast of this new life. She could feel his desire to take over, the desire to fight the ravages of nature, and win, to be unique in his ability to kill his own, only to be with the one he killed the life of, to be there with her with the dead baby in his mouth, smiling triumphantly at her at breaking the hold she had over him, at the hold that kept him in the shadow, outside of her nest, forever pacing, knowing that his was to be chained to the outside, like a beast at the end of a tether, forever falling short of the desired meal, the feast of freedom, for that was his lot, his life, the way he had to be.